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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25184068">Now Hiring!</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sweetheartlamb'>sweetheartlamb (orphan_account)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Clubverse [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Simpsons</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Magic, Attempt at Humor, Attempted Murder, Dark Comedy, Evil Plans, Gen, Major Original Character(s), Original Character(s), Revenge, plans that barely work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:47:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,222</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25184068</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sweetheartlamb</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The sequel to 'The Kill Homer Club'.</p><p>The Kill Homer Club decides it needs more members and invites their friends (and Frank Grimes Jr.). ...Which means another round of trying to kill Homer.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Edna Krabappel/Seymour Skinner, Frank Grimes/Original Character(s), Homer Simpson/Marge Simpson, Maude Flanders/Ned Flanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Clubverse [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1824484</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Important Meeting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Remus holds an important meeting.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Maude and Frank showed up at the Rusty Mill nearly at the same time. Strangely, Remus wasn't outside, and the door was already unlocked. Maude was hesitant to go inside, but Frank just wanted to know what the hell was going on. Maude eventually decided to follow him, just to check up on Remus. And, in the basement, waited Remus sitting in her chair correctly.</p><p>"Boy and girl, we have...a shortage of members." she began. "I want to find some new, fresh faces."</p><p>"Why?" Frank asked. "We've been doing...<em>fine</em> before."</p><p>"To keep Homer on his toes. He's starting to expect us pummeling him every day. What he <em>doesn't </em>expect is us getting new members."</p><p>"So...you want to use the element of surprise against him."</p><p>"<strong>Exactly!</strong> And you two are going to help me!"</p><p>Both of them leaned in. "Both of you, find a friend that would like to join." Remus said. "Also, Frank, don't forget to pick up Juinor." Remus pushed them out of the basement and out the door. 'Anyways, I should find a friend who would join, too!' she thought. And so, the Kill Homer Club wandered to find a friend to recuit.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Re:Collection - Frank</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Frank hires his good friend, Herb.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Frank wandered a way off from the Mill before getting an idea of who to call. His buddy, Herb Powell! Surely they could meet up and agree on a time to meet. ...Oh yeah, and also pick up Junior.  That's pretty important, too.</p><p>He summoned his ghost-phone and called Herb's number. After a while, his friend picked up. "Hello, Frank! What will you be talking about today?" Herb asked.</p><p>"A little club I'm i-"</p><p>"A <strong>club?</strong> I'm so proud of you! What's it about?"</p><p>"...A group of people wronged by Homer, who have all collectively decided to kill him. ...Somehow."</p><p>"...Homer? As in...<em>Homer Simpson?</em>"</p><p>"Right on the target."</p><p>"...Well, color me impressed. Where does everyone meet up?"</p><p>"The Rusty Mill. All the way in Springfield."</p><p>"It'll take me a while, but I promise I'll be there. It's nice to be with other people for once."</p><p>"Hm. I have to pick up Junior now. See you soon." Frank said as he hanged up. He flew back to his son's house and knocked on his door. "...Today's the day, it seems." Juinor said as he opened the door. "It is. Remember, drive to the Rusty Mill." his father replied, pointing to Junior's car. They both went into the car, with Frank in the passenger seat.</p><p>They spent a rather monotonous time driving back to Springfield. The only break they took was getting some snacks from a out-of-town Kwik-E-Mart. Once they got to the Mill, Maude, Remus, and their friends were always there. The only one not there was Herb, and they guessed he'd be there soon. So, they decided to go inside for now and wait for him to arrive.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Re:Collection - Maude</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Maude finds a friend in a restaurant.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Maude's mind wandered back to a non-murderous club she was in back in the day. The members, along with her, were Helen, Marge, Luann, Edna, and...some other lady. Yeah, let's go with that. However, Marge disliked her and was Homer's wife, Luann couldn't see her, Helen would tell everyone their secrets, and she couldn't remember anything about that last lady. Which <em>obviously</em> means she should invite Edna!</p><p>She would most likely be in a restaurant, drinking some wine. ...Maybe with her husband, Skinner? It's probably a fancy restaurant. It would be rude to call them while they were eating, so she decided to wander until she found them. Eventually, she found them at Roux Raspberry.</p><p>Walking inside, she sneaked her way to Edna and Seymour's table. "Erm...Skinner, I hope you don't mind if I join." she discreetly asked him. "Alright." he said, after noticing her. Maude sat next to Edna, who <em>was</em> drinking some wine. "Edna...?" she asked, tugging her shoulder.</p><p>"...Eh? ...Oh! Maude, it's nice to see you again."</p><p>"Can I have a taste of wine? I have something to talk about."</p><p>Edna moved her glass to Maude, and said "What is it?"</p><p>She took a sip and replied "A club. I suppose you're interested?"</p><p>"What's it about?"</p><p>"Bringing the death of Homer Simpson, of course." Seymour started to listen in after that.</p><p>"Maude, I didn't expect <em>you</em>, of all people, to say that." he said.</p><p>"Oh, Seymour...I...erm, had a little...change of heart. Yes. You can also join if you want."</p><p>"Oh, that's interesting and all..." he said. "...But I have no interest."</p><p>"I see." Maude turned to Edna. "...And you?"</p><p>"...I don't see why not. Skinner, get the check, I want to see this club." she said. Seymour got their check, and they left to the Rusty Mill. ...Well, mostly, since Maude wanted to bring Ned along. "And Skinner, can you pick up Ned?" the angel requested, and he agreed. One drive to the Flanders' house later, and they were truely on their way to the club.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Re:Collection - Remus</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Remus finds her best friend dead, and they join the club since they had a change of heart.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>While Maude and Frank were doing something important with their lives, Remus was walking around, not doing her job. She was just walking around slightly high. Meanwhile, Roman was wandering around, trying to find Remus. Of course, as the story goes, they walk into each other and fall down. ...And, as Remus saw her, she screamed.</p><p>They had a black eye, and was bleeding from said eye, along with their nose and mouth. There were the marks of being strangled on their neck. Their clothes were heavily disheveled, and a few spikes of glass poked from their shirt. They looked slightly better then Remus, but it wasn't saying much. Remus stopped screaming and cried, with the blood coming out of her eyes mixing with her tears.</p><p>"Remus...Remus...c-calm down...It's just me." They said, attempting to soothe her. Remus stopped crying, and wiped the fluids coming out of her eyes, nose, and mouth. "...I know." she said. "That's...why I was crying." They both stood up, and hugged. "So...uh...I know this isn't the time-"</p><p>"Is this about the Kill Homer Club?"</p><p>"Yeah. I...I, uh..."</p><p>Their mind flashed back to the memories of him killing her. "Look, I want to join, alright?"</p><p>"...What's the change of heart?"</p><p>"...I don't want to talk about it. All you need to know is that Homer killed me."</p><p>"...Alright. I'll take you to the Mill myself." she said, putting a hand over their shoulder.</p><p>"...Thanks, Remus."</p><p>"We're friends. It's what we do." she said. Walking back to the Rusty Mill, Remus opened the door. As they walked into the basement, Remus told her "This is where we hold our meetings. We're holding a special one tonight, once the duo and their friends get here."  Roman took a seat on one of the new chairs as Remus sat down on her old chair. As she gave them a thumbs up, they knew that, from now on, it was going to be quite a ride.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The TRUE Important Meeting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Everyone is here, and Remus recruits them.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Herb is the last one to get to the par- I mean Sunday meeting. Maude and Ned were next to each other, Edna sat next to them, Roman and Remus were talking to each other, and Frank and Juinor were saving a seat for Herb, in-between them. As he settled down, Remus started the meeting. "Boys, girls...and Roman, this is a <em>very </em>important meeting you're at. Once you're recruited, we'll fight Homer until he <strong><em>dies!</em></strong>" she started. "The next five days, you will use your skills to kill! That! <strong>Man!</strong>" She then whispered "...Maybe..." Everyone (excluding Ned) cheered.</p><p>"Anyways, to the recruiting..." she said, summoning her magic notebook. Reading through the list of names, there were Ned, Frank Jr., Herb, Edna, and Roman. Don't ask how Remus knew about them. "You'll have to cross out your original title, and replace it with a new one." Remus told the group. She then told them their old titles, which will be listed for convenience...</p><p>Ned - "Repression and Aggression"</p><p>Frank Jr. - "A Clone of his Father"</p><p>Herb - "Lonely at the Top"</p><p>Edna - "Spiraling into Desperation"</p><p>Roman - "Living Lifeless"</p><p>Ned tried to agrue that he shouldn't join the club, but Remus ignored him in belief that since his name was in the notebook, it was destiny for him to join. He eventually stopped trying and went with it. And so, they (along with Ned) lined up to sign in. And they crossed out their old titles and gave themselves new ones. Said new titles will <em>also</em> be listed for convenience...</p><p>Ned - "The Shining Example"</p><p>Frank Jr. - "A Man of His Own Word"</p><p>Herb - "Livid with Compassion"</p><p>Edna - "Settled Down and Swooned"</p><p>Roman - "True to Myself"</p><p>"Beautiful, <strong>beautiful </strong>titles..." she said, closing the book. She told them to show up tomorrow (and in Ned and Juinor's case, if they could) and do their best. Then, she de-summoned the book and told everyone to relax for now. After some more chatting, Remus shooed them out. She was back to cleaning the seemingly eternally dirty Mill once again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. A 'Nice' Sparing Match</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The club (and Ned) decide to set up a match against Homer.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Excluding Remus, who was there all night, Ned and Maude were the first ones to show up. "Hi-diddly ho, Remus!" Ned greeted as she opened the door. "You know the drill, guys. I bet you two have a good plan for today!" she said as they went downstairs. She waited in front as the others started to show up. In order, she greeted Frank and his son, Edna, Roman, and Herb.</p><p>They sat in the same seats they did before. Remus tapped her box of apple juice once again and pointed to Ned. "Listen to this man's plan!" she commanded. As everyone stared at Ned, he began to quiver. What would he <em>say? </em>It had to be something that would impress them.</p><p>"...A...erm, sparing match? Homer and I could...fight?" he said. Remus thought about his idea for a moment...and said yes. "Wait. How would this work?" Herb asked.</p><p>"You know how easily provoked Homer is. I highly doubt that he would pass up the chance to beat up one of his...ahem, enemies." Roman answered.</p><p>There was a minute of silence...until everyone nodded. Roman had a point. "Herb, Frank and Juinor, go with Ned and help him set up the match. Maude, tell Helen about the match. I want <em>everyone </em>to see him fall." she said. As they went to prepare the event, Roman asked what eveyone else would be doing. "We'll watch. For now, let's relax." Remus replied.</p><p>Let's look at what the others are doing while they chatter. Juinor and Ned were building a makeshift ring border while Frank and Herb set up seats for everyone. Most of the seats were spare seats the Flanders owned or seats made by themselves. Meanwhile, Maude went to the Lovejoy's house and told Helen all about the event. At the end of their talk, she told her to tell her peers about it.</p><p>Eventually, it was 9:00 A.M. Frank took Juinor to his job while Ned and Homer prepared to fight each other. A few people started arriving, mostly consisting of Helen's friends. A few Simpson family members also arrived, mostly consisting of Homer's intermediate family. Soon, it will be 10 A.M., and they will fight.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. A 'Nice' Sparing Match Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ring-a-ding-ding! Ned and Homer must fight.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Writing the entirety of the fighting scene in this chapter gave me "The Simpsons Wrestling" vibes, so make that of what you will.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's 10 A.M. Ned and Homer went into the ring as the rest of the guests settled down and Roman set up a handmade Remus dummy on the Flanders' porch. As Remus possessed the doll, it's shaking and glowing directed the audience's (and fighter's) sight towards them. "Folks! You have all come here today to see a man sent by God...Ned Flanders! His opponent is...uhm..." they said, checking the writing on their hand. "...Homer Simpson." they then said, flatly.</p><p>A few people started cheering for Ned. "Anyways..." they said. They picked up a bell, began to ring it, and screamed "RING-A-DING-DING! FIIIGGGHHHT!" As Remus left the dummy, which made it fall on the ground, Homer braced for Ned's attack. 'Ned may be strong, but you are stronger...Remember, this is just like a fight between-' he thought, before getting punched right in the gut.</p><p>Ned was stronger then he remembered or thought. Thankfully, he waited for Homer to get back on his footing before fighting him again. What would he do to settle the score? After punching Ned in the face, he thought that would work. And it kind of did, since it temporarily blinded him.</p><p>But after that, he tackled Homer to the ground. Homer tried to kick him off, but then bit him - <strong>hard</strong>. Ned stopped pining him to the grass floor and punched him him the gut again. Both of them rolled to the side, and tried to calm down. The people waited for them to continue.</p><p>And soon, they went back to work. Homer grabbed a sharp stick he found <em>conveniently </em>next to Remus. As he walked up to Ned, Maude sensed that he was in danger. Once he was nearby, she flew into the ring and told him to not move any closer. Homer stopped at first.</p><p>He stepped back. "...Don't hurt me. I'll...We can just set this fight down and...uh...make peace. Yeah." he said, setting the stick down. Ned thought for a moment, then got up and walked towards him. "...Sure can diddly-do, I suppose." he said, slightly grudgingly. They shook hands while Maude watched.</p><p>Ned turned to the audience. "All of you can leave. The fight's over. ...Sorry, folks." he told everyone. Homer turned as well and said "Get out." Everybody left, with the club (excluding Ned and Maude) leaving last. "So...Homer...?" he began to ask.</p><p>"Hm?"</p><p>"We can still be friends, rid...ri...alrighty?"</p><p>"...I hate to say this..." he started to say. He looked at Maude. "...Can you leave?"</p><p>"No. I don't want you two to try to hurt each other any more then you already have." she said. He looked back at Ned. "We were never friends, alright? Don't take it personally. You and your wife are good people." he said, leaving. "You just aren't my type." All three of them went back to their homes. Meanwhile, Remus was at the Mill, listing the end result as '<strong>NED WAS NEARLY KILLED</strong>'.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Herbert's New Car</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Herb invites Homer to ride his brand-new, totally not at all dangerous car!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Just like last time, Remus stayed at the Mill all night and Ned showed up first. "I'm really sorry, Ned. I didn't thin-" she began to say, before he stopped her. "You diddly-don't need to say sorry. D...Don't worry about it." Ned replied. She opened the door and let him walk inside. Afterwards, Maude showed up, then Edna, Frank, Roman, and finally Herb.</p><p>"It's glad to see Ned <em>not </em>dead and everybody he- ....Wait, where's Juinor?" Remus said.</p><p>"He's at his <em>job,</em> Remus. And for that matter, why do you care about him more now?" Frank responded.</p><p>"Because he's probably my biological son! ...Uh, I mean because...uhm, I'm liable for him?" Remus answered. Everyone was confused expect for Maude and Roman, who finally found <em>some</em> context for Remus' teen pregnancy story. They then all just concluded that it was a Freudian slip, and ignored it. "...Anyways, since Junior's gone, Herb is up next." Remus said, then stared at him. "What do you have?" "...Well, I've been making a new car." Herb replied.</p><p>Everyone turned to him. What does this car have to do with murder? "It's a driverless car. It uses AI to drive the passenger to their destination. If that car's AI were to be set to drive off a cliff..." he continued. He explained the rest of his plan. "Great!" Remus said, after a while of silence. "That's a one-man job, which means only one person's in danger! ...Homer, I mean."</p><p>Remus shoved Herb out of the basement and out the door. "Good luck, Herbert!" she shouted as he flew off. As Remus shooed the other members away, he went to the Simpson's house. He knocked the door, and Homer answered. "...Herb? It's a surprise to see you." he said, not actually sounding surprised.</p><p>"My...<em>brother</em>..." he said, spitting out the word 'brother'. "...I have a new car to show you. A driverless car."</p><p>"Ooh, a driverless car! It must be the future. May I see it?"</p><p>"...Yes. Come with me...<em>Homer.</em>" he said, gesturing to himself. "Come and see the <strong>future</strong>." Homer and Herb walked to the next town over to see that wonderful car. Inside Herb's (former) home, laid the AV-15. It looked sleek, with a black, white, and sky blue color scheme. "This is our ride, boy. I'll set up the AI." he said to Homer before going inside the AV-15.</p><p>He set it so it would go through Springfield and, of course, over the Springfield Gorge. Once he was done, he patted the automobile and told Homer to get in. Herb got in the passenger side and Homer got in the driver side. The balding Simpson pushed the button that started up the car and they began to drive. "...Just like old times, Herbert. Just like old times..." he mused.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Herbert's New Car Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The AV-15 drives off a cliff, but not actually.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The AV-15 finally got out of...Mavton. Yeah, let's go with that. Anyways, the point is that they're in Springfield now. They went to sightsee Springfield in their automated car. The ride was long enough that Herb forgot about his animosity towards his half-brother.</p><p>Eventually, the car went towards the gorge. Herb decided to fess up to his plan. "...Homer. I need to say something." he said, slightly solemn.</p><p>He turned to Herb. "...What is it, Herb?"</p><p>"You see where we're going, right?"</p><p>He looked into the distance. "...To the gorge."</p><p>"Yes. I was planning for this car to drive off the gorge. But I...don't want to do that anymore."</p><p>"...But what about this car?" Homer asked, seemingly ignoring the fact that he might die soon.</p><p>"...I have a copy, but that's besides the point." Herb replied, opening a 'emergencies only' hatch, revealing a button. "Just press this, and it'll force the car to go back to Mavton."</p><p>Homer pressed the button and looked at his half-brother. "...You're apart of that club, aren't you?"</p><p>"...I'm sorry. You go back home and I'll say you're dead, alright?" he told him. Homer only nodded, and tried to keep his feelings of betrayal hidden. Once they got to his house, he left as Herb drove back to Mavton. When he went inside, he called Remus and told her Homer was dead. Although she doubted his words, she still wrote down his plan as "<strong>SUCCESSFUL</strong>".</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Night Out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Edna, Skinner, and...Homer eat at a restaurant.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus did the same old routine she always had done, and so did Ned and Maude. Frank, Edna, Roman, and Herb came after. You know the drill at this point, Remus asks someone about their plan, they say the plan, they go through with it, and it fails. Since Maude reported that Homer is, to noone's surprise, <em>not dead</em>, someone needs to plan. It's Edna's turn to <strike>fail</strike>...I mean go through her plan. It's a...dinner date!</p><p>"A dinner date? How will you work with this?" Remus asked.</p><p>"Good, old, rotten food. Homer is nearly an omnivore." Edna replied.</p><p>"...Nice pun. ...<em>But</em>, are you able to make sure you or any other people you bring <em>don't </em>get poisoned?"</p><p>"I am. So it's less suspicious, I'll bring Skinner along. Which would mean...this dinner 'date' will start at, say...6:00 P.M." she explained. The people nod, and Edna goes to Skinner's house as they chatter. She went through her plan with him as they made some final decisions together. And finally, Seymour drove to Homer's house to give him the good news. They'd all be eating at Sakana Torōru tonight.</p><p>And, soon enough, 6 P.M. came. Homer and Skinner (plus Edna) drove to Sakana Torōru for their dinner date. As they took off their shoes and settled down in a booth, their waiter Jirō waited for them to order. Homer started to speak, but Skinner told him he'd order for everyone. He told Jirō what they wanted, and before he left, he whispered to him "...And make Homer's order rotten..."</p><p>"...But...that wouldn't be proper..."</p><p>"He's an omnivore. He can handle it." Skinner whispered, stuffing a 20 dollar bill in his pocket. Jirō left, but with a face that said 'Fine, I'll do it, but if I get arrested for any sort of murder, I blame <em>you</em>.' As their order was being prepared, the three chattered. ...Well, Edna and Skinner were talking, Homer was waiting. And, eventually, their orders arrived.</p><p>Skinner had miso-zuke salmon, Edna had aji furai, and Homer had a medium-rotten shioyaki sakana, with (not rotten) steamed rice and vegetables. Everyone began to dine on their dishes. And, for Homer, it took a few bites for him to realize his food was rotten and only ate his rice and salad for the rest of dinner. At least Edna and Seymour had a wonderful time. After the dinner date, Skinner and Homer shook hands as they left the restaurant.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Night Out Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Homer gets food poisoning. That's it.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Skinner, Edna, and Homer went their separate ways. Skinner went back home, Edna went back to the Rusty Mill, and Homer also went back home. Edna knew if he got food poisoning, then she would have to wait for the signs to show up. Once she arrived, she saw Remus laying in the main room, doped up on something and probably asleep. She gently tugged on her shoulder and told her "...Remus, wake up..."</p><p>Remus' eyes opened a little. "...Uuu..." she groaned.</p><p>"...I'm back. ...Where is everyone?"</p><p>"...They...left...some time ago..."</p><p>"...Anyways, I finished. I have yet to see the signs, but he'll show them soon."</p><p>Remus summoned the magic notebook with all her power. In it, she wrote in '<strong>UNDEFINED</strong>'. She didn't have the power to de-summon the book, so it just laid in her hands. Edna grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and slipped it into her mouth. "Please drink..." she said as she held Remus' head.</p><p>Meanwhile, Homer was at home while Marge gave him a dose of food poisoning medicine. He felt lightheaded and cold. "There was something in that fish, Marge..." he said after he received the dose. "...Skinner seems decent enough...he wouldn't do that on his own...would he?" Marge didn't have the answer to his question, mainly because Homer was just saying what came to mind. He didn't know it, but he and Remus were in a very similar situation.</p><p>Back to Remus, who Edna finally put into a chair. Her head was slightly clear now, but it was nothing close to normal. The notebook was set on a nearby table, where nothing or noone could mess with it. Edna cared for her for a few hours more, and then left to go back to Seymour. The night sky looked extremely beautiful to all of them tonight.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Just Stab Homer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Roman proposes the obvious solution.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus stayed at the Rusty Mill all night, unsurprisingly. She was finally asleep...to the inconvenience of the human and angel duo outside the store. They had to wait for either another ghost to go inside and open the door for them or wait for Remus to wake up. Thankfully for them, Frank would be coming soon. Once he unlocked the door, they went inside wondering what happened to Remus.</p><p>A few seconds or so later, they found her propped on a chair. Frank picked her up and set her in a different, more comfortable chair that was upstairs. "Looks like I'll have to lead today." he said to the duo, and Edna (who just arrived). Remus shook in her sleep. Not being able to lead <em>always</em> gave her the shivers.</p><p>Lastly, Roman and Herb came as the rest of them went downstairs. It was Roman's turn to plan today, and it was a very simple one. "All we do is stab him." they stated. As I said, simple. Everyone stared at them as if their plan was revolutionary. "...Have <em>none </em>of you thought of this before?" they asked after a minute or so of staring and silence.</p><p>Everyone huddled in a circle and discussed this question. Finally, they looked at them and said..."No." Roman was in shock. 'Surely', they thought, 'one of them must've thought of this before. Right?' They turned to Frank and said, "Frank, may I proceed with this?"</p><p>"Go right ahead."</p><p>They got out of their seat, and went to find a knife. "And Frank, take care of Remus, alright?" they said while rummaging through her trash. He nodded while everyone else just stared. It was hard to tell what they were confused more by, Roman rummaging though trash to find a knife or Frank willingly taking care of Remus. Not that it mattered, since they found the knife and went on their way.</p><p>They floated their way to the Simpson's house and knocked on the door. Homer looked out the door and saw, in his eyes, a floating knife. Unsurprisingly, he saw that as <strong>extremely </strong>suspicious, and went to get a gun. Roman knocked on the door once more. "Is anyone there?" they asked.</p><p>Homer went back upstairs with his gun, plus his ghost goggles, and shot at the door. Roman, not expecting him to fight back, got hit a few times. They then dug their knife into the door and looked into the hole they made. He was on the edge. "Just come outside, and we can deal this personally." they told him.</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Just Stab Homer Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>...Homer gets stabbed. That's it. We swear.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is shorter then the other ones (which were pretty short already...), just so you know.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"<em>WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE YOU?! <strong>YOU TRIED TO STAB ME!</strong></em>" Homer yelled. Roman put their knife away. "Fair enough...but I won't hurt you. I promise." they said. "Trust me." Homer set down his gun, held a knife, and carefully went outside. Then he got stabbed many a time.</p><p>He had stab marks all over his body, but he somehow <strong>still </strong>didn't die. Must be divine intervention. However, he'd have to be hospitalized...again. Roman left the body to be found by someone and went to report to Remus. She was finally awake, and reading a book while her head rested on Frank's shoulder.</p><p>"Remus! You're awake, and alive!"</p><p>"Yep..." she said. "I was knocked out for a bit, then I woke up in the arms of the handsomest man I've ever seen. Then, I realized it was just Frank Grimes, which was even better."</p><p>Frank tried to hide his flustered feelings. "Erm...thanks..."</p><p>"Anyways," Roman continued. "Homer is dead...I think. Also, here's your knife." They set the knife on the table. Remus got the notebook and wrote '<strong>SUCCESSFUL?</strong>' down. "Go back home, Roman, good job." she said as she de-summoned the notebook. As they left, she also said that they didn't need to go to the Mill tomorrow.</p><p>Just in case Homer was still alive, they'd have Juinor's plan to fall back on. Friday would be a break for the club. What would they do with this newfound free time, exactly? They're not sure, but they'll figure it out soon enough. And luckily for Homer, he'll get a surprise too.</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. So-Called Sweethearts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Remus just wants to come to terms with Frank.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Frank got a voice-mail early in the morning. It was from Remus, asking him to go to the Rusty Mill today. 'What did she want?' he thought as he flew to her store. They weren't trying to kill Homer today, so what would she need him for? As he approached the Rusty Mill, he saw Remus on the roof of the store.</p><p>"Hey, Frank, get up here!" she said, as she gestured to the roof. He got his way up onto the roof and sat next to Remus. "Why did you want me to be here anyway?" he queried. Remus began to look down and held her hands together. She was more then a little scared to say it, but she had to.</p><p>"I...I have something to tell you."</p><p>"And this is about...?"</p><p>"Erm...your son, Frank Juinor...."</p><p>Frank realized what she was going to say. "...You're his biological mother, aren't you?"</p><p>"...I mean...yes...I..." Remus said, stammering.</p><p>He set his hand on her shoulder. "...Are you sure you want to tell more? You don't have to if you're..." Frank said, trying to find the right words.</p><p>"I do. I have to get this off my chest. I...I should probably start with the whole 'pregnancy' thing. Sit back, this is quite a ride." she told him. He leaned back as she started to remember. "For some context about Juinor's birth complications and my surgeries...I was born intersex. ...Would you like me...to...?" she asked, looking towards Frank. He shook his head. "Understandable." she noted.</p><p>"It was the 70s, and most people didn't know much about intersex people. My father didn't want me to have surgery, so we ended up leaving the hospital early." she said. "Although I appreciate his choice...sometimes I wonder if what happened would...uh, happen if he went through with their plan."</p><p>"My father and I worked together to help raise Juinor. But with the mix of money that went to both Juinor and my surgeries...we went broke. I ended up leaving him with a picture of me, an address to your house, and the clothes on his back. ...I can't help feeling like...I failed as a parent." she rambled.</p><p>Frank went back to Remus. "...I suppose you might have...but it seemed you tried. ...And that's...respectable...I guess." he told her. They both sat in silence for a while. "Franklin, you're a better parent then I could ever be." Remus admitted. "If anything, <em>you're </em>the respectable one." He felt a variety of emotions, mainly flushed.</p><p>"...Do...Do you want me to tell Frank Juinor about this?" He asked, after a while.</p><p>"...Yes. He deserves the closure. And tell him I'm sorry that I...I failed him. Alright?"</p><p>"...Okay. Is there anything else you want to say?"</p><p>She gently put her hand to his face. "...I wish we could be sweethearts again. I...I want to love you again."</p><p>"...Maybe one day." He started to leave. "...Just not today. Besides, I have some news to tell m-...our son. ...Goodbye." She watched as he left. Their semi-one-sided conversation felt like a dream, or a trip. But it felt good to tell someone about her secrets. Maybe one day, indeed.</p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Unauthorized Visit</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A mysterious man visits Homer and gives him a deal he cannot refuse.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A man by the name of Seth Begonia Marley-Sapling drove to the hospital. Unauthorized, he shoved his way up to Homer's room. He wore a black raincoat and sunglasses to obscure his looks. The only recognizable thing about him was his greasy, dirty blond hair. He was almost like a living shadow to Homer's eyes.</p><p>"Who...Who are you?" he managed to say. The man walked up to him and pulled off his sunglasses, revealing icy blue eyes. "My name is Seth Marley-Sapling." he said, leaning towards Homer. "And I am here to protect you."</p><p>"...Why...do you want to do this?" he inquired.</p><p>"...It started back in my childhood, with my brothers, Cain Lantana and Abel Larkspur. I was ignored by my family, given that I was born from an affair. Abel was the 'favorite' of the family, and both Cain and I were jealous." he started to ramble. "...But I was too distant from my family to realize Cain's murderous plan. Once I found out...it was too late. Abel was <em>dead</em>. Our parents abandoned us. From that day on, I swore to protect the helpless any way I could."</p><p>Homer stared at him in silence. Finally, he said "...Wow, that's...a lot."</p><p>He continued, ignoring what Homer said. "And...it seems that my hellspawn brother's daughter started a club to kill you. And I'm just here to say..." he paused. Then, he leaned back and continued once more. "I want to help you." Homer thought long and hard of what he wanted to ask. He choose to say "And what if I refuse...?" Seth pulled out a gun from his raincoat and pointed it at Homer's head.</p><p>"Well, I'll then I'll <strong><em>kill you</em></strong>." he said, calmly. The balding patient shook in his bed. "Isn't that...a <em>bit</em> ironic?" he finally said.</p><p>"I suppose it is. But I assure you I will protect you until the end. Will you accept or <em>die?</em>" the mysterious man said.</p><p>"Y-Yes." Homer replied, quickly. "Please don't kill me."</p><p>He put away his gun. "Wonderful. I will see you soon." he said, walking out of the hospital. Seth put his sunglasses back on and drove back home on his moped. Meanwhile, Homer hid under his blanket. Although he was glad to have some protection, he worried that Seth would turn on him just as his half-brother did.</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Familiar Panic</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Frank Grimes Jr. gets to plan for once and it fails.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was Saturday. Remus, surprisingly, wasn't cleaning the Mill today. And, also a surprise, Frank and his son showed up first. Ned and Maude weren't far behind, however. "The door's already open, boys!" she said to everyone. "Come on in!"</p><p>Of coruse, Roman, Edna, and Herb joined the meeting as well. Juinor decided to just retry his former attempt on Homer's life...shoot him! (...Or something, I haven't seen the episode and comic where he appears.) Everyone was a bit genre savvy at this point and decided to not waste their time with major plans and simultaneously agreed to his plan. They all thought if the angered 36-38 year old wanted to shoot him to death, then he should. But one of the members asked him one more thing.</p><p>"Can Frank and I join you? I have a feeling someone unknown would join our brawl today... I don't want you getting hurt, since you're human..." Remus asked.</p><p>Juinor thought for a bit. "...Sure, I suppose. I guess it could be considered "family bonding"." he said. The other members were confused, at least where Remus was concerned. They decided to just brush it off and give the family their goodbyes. Since Junior already had his gun, they all drove their way to the Simpson's house.</p><p>Unbeknownst to them, however, Seth was following them. Juinor parked nearby the Simpson's garage and knocked on the door. He hid his gun as Marge opened the door. "Hello, Marge. Is Homer Simpson here, by any chance?" he asked.</p><p>"He is. He was discharged from the hospital because a mysterious man threatened him. ...Not anyone from that vengeful ghost club, but someone else." she replied.</p><p>"I see. I just want to see him."</p><p>"He's upstairs. Don't hurt him..." Marge warned him. He dismissed her request and went to his room, slowly pulling out his gun. While that happened, Seth sneaked inside. And as he was about to shoot Homer, Seth put him in an armlock. Hearing him cry, Frank and Remus flew up to where they were.</p><p>"Put my son out of that <strong>DAMN ARMLOCK!</strong>" Remus yelled. Seth dropped Juinor and turned around, seeing the angry duo. He glared at Remus. "<em>You</em>...You're Cain's daughter! You created this <em>pitiful club!</em>" he yelled. Homer shook in his bed while the four began to agrue.</p><p>"Who is that?" Frank asked Remus before the argument went any farther.</p><p>"The Sapling brother that lived. I'll save you all from his rambling, he found out his other brother died, got traumatized, and became a "helper" to the helpless." she replied.</p><p>"I do <em>not<strong> ramble!</strong></em>" he yelled once again. He calmed down and added "Anyways, if it wasn't obvious, I am here to protect Homer from you <em>fools</em>." Homer pulled off his blanket and sat up. "In all fairness, I was forced into accepting his help." he told everyone. Seth turned to Homer and hushed him before turning back to the trio. "Ignore him." he said.</p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Familiar Panic Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Marge breaks up the situation.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everyone heard Marge walk up the stars. She held a rolling pin in her hand and she was willing to use it. "Alright, what is happening up there?" she asked. They all stared at her once she appeared. "...It's a bit hard to explain. ...And, erm, sorry to betray you." Juinor said to her.</p><p>"...Start at the beginning." she responded, monotone.</p><p>Juinor began to speak, but Seth interrupted him. "I am the mysterious man that will protect Homer." he said. The greasy-haired man pointed to Juinor. "And <em>he</em> was a threat!" he yelled. Marge nodded, then said "Sure...and what did you do to deal with this?"</p><p>"I put him in an armlock." he replied.</p><p>"...Armlock? Is...Is that a term?"</p><p>"Maybe." Seth said, shrugging.</p><p>Marge looked at Juinor and his parents. "You three can leave now." she told him. She then eyed Remus. "I'll deal with this lad over there." Marge said. She stared down Seth as the Grimes family left.</p><p>She held her rolling pin up to Seth's head and said "And...Mr. Marley, stay away from my husband. I can help him <em>myself</em>." He stepped downstairs, warning Marge to not hit him. "I don't need your help, sir. <em>And I can prove it!</em>" she yelled. Marge swung her pin at him, but Seth dodged it and ran out the door. "Stay out!" she screamed at him before closing the door.</p><p>Marge went back up to Homer's room. "Don't worry, they're all gone now." she reassured him while patting his head.</p><p>"...So, you'll protect me from those ghosts and Seth?"</p><p>"...Of coruse I will." she answered. She then kissed him on the forehead, took off her wig, and tucked herself in. He felt at peace for once in his life. She loved him and he loved her. Maybe things weren't as bad as they seemed.</p>
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